I recently went to hear a friend of mine give a speech, a speech I have heard him give before. It is always impromptu so it is always enjoyable. However, on this particular occasion he had decided to begin cleaning up his language. I listened and was, quite frankly, disappointed. I am not a fan of profanity despite what you might think after reading......well just about everything I have ever posted here. But words are just words it is we who have given them power and I will gladly debate this with you any time later on and you will lose. But not now, words are not my point. My friend uses profanity in a colorful and amusing way that I have never heard before nor rarely achieved myself.

Some time after that evening I ask him what was up. He said that he had been admonished by some people who he considered personal advisers that he should probably work on cleaning up his "act" and show some class. I ask him how it felt that night and he said it just didn't feel right.

Perhaps it was new and he wasn't used to it.

Bollocks.

I suggested to him that perhaps it wasn't who he was and he replied that was true but weren't we supposed to be trying to change who we are? I said "whatever, good luck with that". But it got me to thinking. Can we change who we are? I pondered it, meditated it, prayed on it. Goose eggs. Then I got a tiny inspiration. I wrote the question in delicate script on an egg and gently placed the egg in a metal dish lined with cotton. The I carefully placed the dish in the refridgerator and left it alone for some days and then I wandered the wastelands to give the egg some time. This is a Zen thing and you'll see where I am going with this.

I came back from the wastelands and cautiously approached the fridge. My heart was thumping in my chest has I rest my hand on the handle. I opened the door with my eyes shut and then slowly peeked. I couldn't readily discern anything as one of my my roommates had carelessly left a jar of strawberry jam tipped over sideways with the lid off and it had dripped all over the egg. I gingerly removed the dish from the fridge and washed off the egg and then replaced it back to it's original position in the dish with the writing up........and then I bent down to read the answer. What did get? Well I'll tell you, I got zip. The question was still there.

So I hit the egg with a fucking hammer. And guess what I found inside?

Egg.

We cannot change who we are. We CAN change what we are. For better or for worse. The pristine egg was now a crushed egg but still an egg.

I haven't written much of anything for posting in some time because my renewed pursuit of my studies in Buddhism and my program in AA teach that patience, love and tolerance should be my code if I am to live in peace and harmony. So I felt that I had to cut that ranting of mine out.

So what have I been doing these past months? Picture me if you will as John Travolta hoeing his brains out in his garden in "Phenomenon". When he just stopped and listened to the wind in the trees he found peace. While I was hoeing my brains out all I produced in 2007 was those last 6 journal entries. But this morning I stopped and listened and all of the sudden it flowed.

Before, I was bitter and judgmental with a rapier sharp wit.

Now, I am not bitter or judgmental. Still have the wit. And I still see things the same but through different eyes. So when you see me post about Britney please read and tell me what you think.

In the future, who knows? It doesn't exist yet. I just know that I can write about the same things but with different eyes.

My friend speaks as he used to speak. And he hears the wind.

John Travolta isn't really manic. He is very happy. You would be too if you had a super fun job, millions of dollars and the capacity to believe that space-faring lizard people came to our planet and threw monkeys into volcanoes while jizzing in their ears or whatever that crazy fuck believes in.